It's Probably Me.

He smiled , looked at this father who in turn pressed the clutch. He laughed, he reached out and held the glass. The sheer joy on his face, made me stare in admiration. Here was a toddler, oblivious to the world . Happy.

Today I walked 20 minutes to Costa. While leaving my house I knew the phone was not an option. I'm glad it is not. Its the kind of freedom I have never experienced. I walked by an empty road looking at the moon. It is a full moon night tonight and I can't believe I have ignored something so beautiful for so long.

I stepped into a coffee shop and opened The Fountainhead, before I knew I was the only one sitting there and the staff probably wanted me to leave or so was the look on their faces , smiling but worried . I had not looked beyond the book since the time I ordered my coffee. They finally seem relieved that they got my attention. I was ignorant of the world today , I was in my own time zone and nothing seemed to bothered me.

I have lived on time guided activities all my life. Everything had a scheduled slot through my day and I panicked if I did not follow these , cause I thought I was going against the process.I had standards set for my own self which restricted my life in every possible way.

Today I walked 6 kms , never looked at my watch even once. Noticed that there was life at every step I took and even though I got stared at for my free style of walking and loud singing I did not bother much about it.

I am going to do what I feel like doing ,what makes me happy without caring about whether I'm supposed to do it or not. I want to look into that mirror and smile.

I Don't ever want to look back and wonder "what if" . All the "what if's" in my life have to be materialized and now. Im not waiting.

I can hear each and every beat. I can hear it so clear.

I'd like to Understand.

"But all the proper forms of expression have been discovered long ago"
"Expression - of what ? The Parthenon did not serve the same purpose as its wooden ancestor. An airline terminal does not serve the same purpose as the parthenon.Every form has its own meaning. Every man creates his meaning and form and goal. Why is it so important-what others have done? Why does it become sacred by the mere fact that of not being your own? Why is it anyone and everyone is right- so long as it's not yourself? Why does the number of those others take the place of the truth? Why is truth made a mere matter of arithmetic-and only a addition at that? Why is everything twisted out of all sense to fit everything else? there must be some reason. I don't know. I've never known it. I'd like to understand"

Twitter.

The guitar riffs play loud I adjust my speakers again and get back to staring at my laptop screen. So here I am with my toes constantly tapping against a badly beaten wooden ledge that connects two parts of my table. An empty coffee cup lies on my left right next to a glass of water which is half filled. On my right there is a pack of Marlboro Gold Advance kept right in front of my wallet with the lighter placed on it .

The door to my room is locked , like it has been for the past 2 years. This is my zone and time is a no issue here nothing ever is more important than this. With the I-pod plugged in my ears . I feel a touch of emptiness , a void in my head. Its the same as nicotine withdrawal in a way that it plays with the mind just like the lack of nicotine does.

I stare at my wall and I notice 3 notes. I haven't noticed them for a while now. They were messages of love and farewell given to me by my closest friends when we graduated. I have missed a lot of small things. I'm discovering them piece by piece starting today.

Today I Quit Twitter. With over 50.5 tweets per day and that includes the first two months of indifference because of a lack of understanding of how it worked. You can say I'm a tweet-addict . I published my every move from the traffic woes of Delhi to the contents of my laptop I have bared my soul on twitter and I Haven't been careful about what I tweeted when.

And as of now , I feel tired. I don't want to be in a constant mode of revealing my self to the world. I want to take control of my life from here . My life has to change in so many ways and believe it or not but twitter is being a hindrance.

I spend most of my time staring at my phone . While at work or when in my room chilling on my own or in a party somewhere. I am in constant mode of 'revealing' my thoughts and opinions and today and more importantly now its curtain call.

If you have known me for a month and have read my tweets for just half an hour a day , beat this you know me better than my close friends do and that is scary.

Twitter has changed my outlook towards life , most certainly. I have grown and accepted more than I thought I ever could. My opinion on the LGBT community being the most significant gain among all the things I take away from Micro Blogging.

I'm going and probably it won't make a difference to anyone firstly because you guys have many followers and then out of sight out of mind holds true right ?

'Venting' is a very integral part of my life . All the piss heads around me made me tweet and now they shall make me blog . While I might be away from communicating. I'm not giving up on venting yet. On a boring sunday evening , come back to this page and hopefully you *will* know what I'm upto . I intend to write everyday or well as much as I can.

Life has just begun and I can't wait to do what *I* want with it. So right about now I'm going to start with 'The Fountainhead' . Right about now , I will do what *I* think is right . Right about now all I'm going to think about is my own self.